Visa Day, Bat ca day and Party day.
Visa day for Dung. Off to HCMC, yet again after eating pho bo. We have managed to avoid HCMC for a month, but now it is back to the very, hot, very dusty moto rally that is HCMC. It is fun in a perverse way and very crazy in a normal way. You need all 3 sets of eyes in the traffic, forget road markings and traffic lights, it “he who dares wins”, see the gap and hit it, let the others worry about the consequences. I should come here for a day on my own. I still don't know my way around, because I just take directions. Mind you, one day could turn into 2 or 3 as I try to find my way out. Forget road signs, they are for airheads who don't know where they are going.
Anyway, we made it to the Consulate. They are very friendly and helpful here. Last time we came they said you have to go to Hanoi for the first visa and again today they told the woman in front of us the same. What are these Brits like?? You have to book the appointment online, so I'd think if this is your first visa, to chose Ho Chi Minh City as your appointment location would be forbidden. BUT, there are only 2 locatioins to chose from on the website. 1 is HCMC and the other is HCMC, but very cleverly, if you chose one it gives an address in Hanoi, so if you fail to notice that you'll probably be late for your appointment. Am I being too much of a grump to ask for them to put a big notice at the beginning of the very long online form to say that all 1st visa applicants must go to Hanoi????? Why they have to is beyond me, but come on, this is the British foreign office diplomatic thing, perhaps there are some hangovers from the Commonwealth rules the world days. Do as we say and don't ask why. Grump, grump, grump. It took 3 hours to fill in the online visa application and about 30 minutes in the office, for them to check our documentation they ask for and to tell us that the application goes to Hanoi first. They may phone to ask some more questions and then it goes to Bangkok to be authorised. Why?? Don't ask me, I'm a grumpy old man. 6 to 8 weeks and we should get it back, if all goes smoothly.
A quick visit to the Qatar Airways office and a straight faced grumpy young lady. I was checking out if we have sufficient airmiles to use to come back to Manchester. Only 60,000 short. I must have used the website wrong. I had high hopes, although I did think it rather generous, when I calculated a free flight was in order. Never mind, the air conditioning was good.
Off to one of HCMC's many markets next to check out getting some trousers made. We bought the material, 12 quid for enough to make 2 pairs. It says it is cashmere wool, but it says Armani on my sunglasses case and 6 quid for some sunglasses makes me doubt it. They are good though and the material seems good too. What do I know? Precisely. The lady said it is a fiver tops to get the trousers made. WE WILL SEE.
Starting to melt now, so we called in at Auntie Thay's to see Nam, her 5 month old son and then back to Duc Hoa for a kip in the afternoon heat.

Today is “bat ca” day, Binh has decided. We went for some pho bo, but had hu tieu bo kho, like braised beef, noodles and a healthy amount of fat, if you want to peg it early this is the food to speed you on your way. Then to the market. I strolled around while Dung did the serious shopping. I get a big, mixed, bag of looks as I saunter and wiggle and sway through the stalls. Most are inquisitive smiles. About all the things you need to survive are sold here and mostly cheap. I bought some soup spoons for 25p. Why?? Beats me. They are good to eat pho etc. with, a souvenir. I really pushed the boat out then and got some toothpaste and soap.
When we got back the pond was down by about a foot. He is pumping it into his brothers pond, next door and later we all plodge into the pond and take the fish out. I was told they'll be kept in a big water bowl type urn, type cannister, sort of thing and eaten on demand. He will then stock the pond with some fish that are nicer to eat and when they grow big enough, they will be eaten too. The new stock comes from Uncle Dung, all a family affair. It is supposed to be good fun going in and hoiking out the fish. I'll let you know, about 2 hours to plodge off.
Been updating the CV to day and trying to remember what it was I did all those months ago. It is not easy, or perhaps that is a psychological thing, but either way, I have to go back to work soon. All good things ….....................
I miss the sport when I'm out here, as well as the family of course. I was just making conversation, not trying to upset anyone. I had gotten back into the sport when I was back. I'll try and catch the early kick off tomorrow, but there is a big party tomorrow. It happens every 3 years and is for the people with surname Nguyen, which is about 50% of Vietnamese. It costs 200 VND, about £8 a family, free nosh and booze, so I am led to believe. Again I will let you know.
As the pond emptied, I began to have my doubts about whether I would be able to get back out, if I got in and chickened out in the end. I guess I haven't gone as native as I thought. Perhaps it was a good thing. I think I would have been arse over tit more than once. Considering how many fish top to feed, there are not a lot brought out. Some decent catfish, up to about a kilo. Lots of small stuff and some decent ca yo. They are a strange looking fish, but taste pretty good.
I try to help out sorting the fish, but am told they are very dangerous. I think that is just a lack of English. Dung is off picking her auntie up, so I don't have a translator. I gave up in the end and went for a shower. Binh and Luan don't give up though. Binh is back in with the mains on a bamboo stick fishing rod, zapping the fish. Before this, they are elbow deep in the mud, dragging fish out. The catfish are very adept at hiding in the mud and when found by someone, they shoot out of the mud to be chased and caught by hand. These are reportedly the dangerous ones. They have barbs behind their fins. Dung tells me, if you get caught with them, your hand swells up and you wont be able to sleep tonight. She does have a flare for the dramatic though.
So, a shower it was and then while the others sort the fish out, I gave a quick IT lesson to Nhu, from next door, on the verandah. Then it was tea time and guess what was on the menu. Wrong! Beef. I'm 50% kidding. It was not certain the pond would be attacked when we went to the market, so we had some beef and some fish and it was all delicious.

PARTY DAY
Today is the Nguyen party. There's a bit of hustle going on to get it ready by the shrine. The tables and stools are put in the field under a great big tree, which type of tree I don't know. The Vietnamese from kids seem to know all the tree types, herbs and vegetables. I know an oak, but only when it has leaves on. I think we used to know such things, but it is a dying knowledge in us Europeans, or the Brits anyway. We were out the other day with auntie Ut and uncle Dung and walked passed a tree that Ut didn't recognise, which lead to a discussion for a few minutes. As we walk along or drive on the moto, you can see people checking the vegetation out, or in Dung's case, the food stalls along the road. She can eat for Vietnam and so is getting a belly and so has purchased a hula hoop. Not the namby pamby plastic ones like at home, this is 3 bamboo hoops taped together and leaves a bruise on the hip after the first usage. Dung's cousin can hula for fun, she walks down the road hulaing, she's 8 and her Mam made her do it to get rid of her belly, now she loves it and happily shows off her skills.
Anyway back to the party. There was entertainment laid on a woman, or perhaps a man dancer, the choice is definitely up for debate, either way, I am told it is a dying art in Vietnam. She/he is a dancer, come juggler, come balancing act, come fortune teller. If you cross her palm with silver, he will tell you that life is to be great, or better than it has been. She is pretty good an must be at least 50 and has been doing it since she was 16, so is famous in the area, if poor. I think the opportunities to perform are limited.
There's a table of old fellas eating the supplied fayre, of binh mi (baguettes), roast pig and vegetables, not to mention the ubiquitous ruou. Binh has been checking the ruou out religiously and is 3 sheets to the wind now, with the ruou grin permanently on display. One of the old fellas asks me to go and sit with them. I don't know whether to take it as an insult or a compliment. I do really, it is a big compliment, but I was saved by the dancer starting. It is good to sit with the old blokes, but I don't have a clue what they are saying and Dung isn't allowed to sit there, although I dare say they would make an exception if it was pushed. They all seem to be having a good time and the food is going down well with the banter. The local wise man presented me with a flower, a chrysanthemum actually, but I can't spell chrysanthemum, so we'll say flower. He is a local choice along the lines of Solomon. If there are any disputes between or within families, he adjudicates. It is not a choice for money, or of the wealthy, this man is poor, but extremely friendly and smiley. It gets passed down within the family if the people are willing. It used to be Dung's great grandad, but her grandad didn't want the post, so the current man has it. Uncle Hep seems to be the people's choice as successor, at the moment. Opinions seem to change quickly within Vietnam.
We left everyone to it. People come and go all day and some stay all day. It started at dawn and probably before and will end towards sunset, so a full 12 hours for the hardy drinkers and eaters.

More lounging around in Vietnam

11/03 – A day to semi chill. Off for pho bo breakfast then a bit of shopping for dinner at the market. Called in at an uncle's for a noi noi noi (chat) and cafe da and 5 rounds with one of his twin daughters. They are 3 or 4 years old and had their first day at school and their last until they are taught to behave. They are 2 little buggers, more so at home, than away from it. When they are in angelic mood they are great fun, when they are in boisterous mood they are good fun, but when the horns come out, they need a good slap, said the Grumpy Old Man and I know just the man. I must confess to enjoying their company, but I still cant tell them apart. One has been handed over to an auntie and uncle to be looked after, but that doesn't help identification, because they change every few weeks. I was done with that today. Yesterday it was Huyhen at Auntie number 3's and when I called her Huyhen today, everyone shouted Y. I thought they werer having a laugh, but no. it is Y.
We stopped off to pick up a new tap on the way home. I asked for just the broken nut. I thought the chances in Vietnam would be good, but no, it seems the Western way of getting the most out of the customers wallet is catching on here too. Took the whole tap and fitted it pronto. It took longer to get the inner tube repair off the old one than to put on the new one. Binh can fix most things with inner tube and plastic bag.
I went for the obligatory evening stroll, which often leads to some minor adventure, today it was a present of a half dozen mangos from the 14 year old cousin next door. He'd been up in the tree collecting them for me. He had brought me part of a one over last night, cut up and cubed while still attached to the skin. It was delicious, so today I got a present of more and that was today. Dinner and a sit on the veranda in the cool and off to the land of nod.
12/03 – Got married and that is about it.
13/03 – OK the marriage was a bit of an adventure too. I'm still not sure we got married. We had handed all the paperwork in and went for the required interview today, where we were asked a few questions about our intentions and what if the interviewer said no. We were given a pleasant smile and that was that. The blokes recommendations now go off to the jury and they let us know in time if we can consider ourselves to be married. We are supposed to double off to the temple, cross the monks palm with silver and he will tell us the best and luckiest day to have the official party, but we are skipping this part. I guess we are lucky enough already, or I am too tight.
Uncle Dung's (correct spelling, but sounds different to Dung) been on to see if I want to go and watch him net a pond. It's his business, he pays people to net their pond, so much a kilo and then he sells it to market traders. He dropped a goolie here, he lost out because he hired too many lorries and the price he got for the fish wasn't what he expected.
It was good to watch though and a lot of the locals thought so too, as there was quite a turn out perched along the rim of the ledge. There are some natty little thatched houses, behind a cafe on one corner of the pond. When I asked what they are at dinner, it got a big laugh. It is a local knocking shop. The thatched huts are the knocking rooms. I had an idea that was their usage when I saw the ladies in bright garb trotting back and forth, but I missed the men. That may be a subconscious thing. Another giveaway was when uncles Dung and Sinh tried to fix me up with one of the ladies.
Back to the main business. There was some fish came out of the pond. Three main types. One type got hoyed back and another got put back after the needed quota was met. One of the lorry drivers came over and was straight in helping out. The only thing he took off were his shoes. The pace picked up when he arrived. I fancied getting in there, but would probably been more of a hinderance. Although I'm probably better in the water than on land.
We were, Binh and me, asked to stay for fish chau, a rice and fish porridge. I think it is a traditional thing to eat after such a day, no doubt some ruou, rice wine, would have come into the proceedings at some point, probably a very early point. Banh opted to take us home, probably the wrath of his wife and daughter was too much for him to put up with. Uncle Dung gave us a 2 kilo fish to take home, which fed 10 of us the next day, with banh chanh (spelling ????). It is rice paper that is rolled with fish, herbs, veg, whatever you like really, to make a do it yourself, fresh spring roll. The fish was great and I enjoy the binh chanh bit too. We headed off back in the dark and left them working by bulb and moon light. The bulb light was run in with some twin cable and bamboo branches and dangled over head. The moonlight was easy.
I got some grief at home about the little lady with the big boobs that was sent my way by the uncles from the local friendly cafe, in fact I am still getting grief a week later, even though it was made apparent I shunned her mild advances.

14/3 – 2 of the Aunties are coming to stay tonight. The first turned up with her husband and the nipper, 4 months old, on the moto with all the baby gear too. It is amazing what the Vietnamese can carry on a moto. They got settled when the 2nd auntie phoned to say they had broken down about 15 km away. I was headed for the football at the cafe, Man U v Liverpool and a very good game too, so I got dropped off and Dung and her uncle set off to pick up the other uncle and Auntie. I was glad I wasn't asked to go and I wanted to see the football and Binh, the uncle, same name as Dung's Dad, pushed the broken moto back here. He stuck a foot out onto the broken down moto and fetched it all the way back. I might have managed a kilometre at the most. The road is not good too and the bridges are seriously not good and the track to Dung's house is a rocky dirt track. I'd have been in hospital at least half a dozen times. I WAS DEAD IMPRESSED. I got picked up after the football and got back for some serious family nosh. Thuong, the 2nd auntie had brought it, so there was no starting without her. I did the washing up and retired to the veranda, just in time to see Uncle Hep from next door running out with a 15 foot bamboo stick, for the 2nd night on the trot. He had some rats going for the animal feed behind his house. HAD is correct. When he sees the rats and more importantly for them, they see him, they scatter and head along the power lines to the safety of the trees, field and pond across the track, well that was the intention. The 15 foot pole is to knock them off the power line, which he did and the dog at his heels makes short work of the rat. Hep came over dangling it by the tail, before throwing it back to the dog. 5 minutes later a repeat performance and another non-rat and again another 5 minutes later, this rat was a bit more resilient, it was toing and froing, but so was Hep and the dog got his hattrick. It was a bit like the Keystone cops with, but there have been no more rats tripping the live wire fantastic since. It was better than going to a show.
15/3 – An easy family day today. I went and sat on the veranda again, as I had no idea what the chat was about, but heard my name plenty. I sat alone, but not for long. There ended up, 3 kids sat with me and an English lesson was born. All 3 are young cousins of Dung and we sat quite a while, they swap a bit of Vietnamese training in exchange. Nhu is very keen to learn, An want to go and play every now and then, as she is younger and Nhi is the oldest but shy, so has be coaxed along, but she understand my rough Vietnamese the best.
The lesson was abandoned at early dinner time. The fish uncle Dung gave us fed 10 people, along with some banh trang and vegetables and there was plenty of it. The dinner was a good family crowd and chat 20 to the dozen. There was plenty of washing up to share around. All the meals are eaten sat on the floor, even when there is less of us. It is not just here but in most houses. I have gotten quite used to it and enjoy sitting around trying and failing to understand the chat.
Had yet another relax for the rest of the day.

16/3 – Normal day again, visit the market drink ca phe da and went for a stroll with Dung before dinner. We ended up at a friend of Auntie Number 3's. They share her garden to grow vegetables and herbs to sell on the market. Number 3 gets up at about 4 in the morning to head off to the market and flog her wares to the market stall holders. She gets 5000 dong a kilo for one lot and 1,000 dong a bunch for another. 20p and 4p respectively. They water the plants 3 times a day and pick them the night before going to market, sitting around chatting whilst they clean, trim and bunch the plants. It was a pretty good evening, I had a good time listening and chatting. The friend of number 3 has 2 lads, left to her by her daughter who has gone to live with someone else. Her husband has also gone elsewhere. They all seem happy enough and the eldest of the lads, about 12, puts the rice on to cook, while the vegetables are sorted out. She doesn't have the best of lives, but seems happy enough. She asked me through Dung, to see if I can get a man for her when we go back to the UK, she is lonely on her own now.

7/3/09 - Well, we’re back on Dung’s home territory. We got back last night, 6/3/09. I had mixed feelings about being back, after the usual hassle of the taxi rank and the extra haggling upon arrival, but seeing all the motos again and the neon streets of HCMC was a welcoming experience. All doubts were allayed when Dung’s Mam, Dad and brother came out and burst into big grins and were almost bouncing when they saw us. We hadn’t told them we were coming, so it was a good surprise. The big smiles came with big hugs from her Mam and Dad. If I can be happy when so tired, then something is right.

We had about 4 hours of giving out presents and hand-me-downs, lots of smiling at each other and then, gratefully, hit the pit. 3 and a half of those 4 hours were taken up by Dung gasing. She is “number 1”, as the locals would say, at gasing.

Back to the wafer thin mattress and until I type this, it hadn’t crossed my mind that I’d slept on one, mind you I was a little tired.

Up early doors to a clear blue sky and knocking about in shorts, this is certainly not the UK. Had a wander around, checking out how things had changed. The water level is a lot lower, there are a lot more houses springing up along the track. It has come to be known that the government will be acquiring local land soon and you receive more money if there is a house on the land, so some dodgy houses have been thrown up in a few days. Some are here to stay though. I think Duc Hoa is expected to be something of a boom town.

The kids have been shadowing me all day. The British novelty is back in town. The pictures on the laptop gave me a bit of a breather. They are all friendly and I probably learn more Vietnamese from them than anyone else, but I am still rubbish, we get by.

Elephant fish, talapia I think, and rice paper for make your own spring rolls for tea and very nice it is too. I had half a shot glass of the local firewater, ruou, rice wine, petrol, one of those or more, to be sociable. It is not the best hooch in the world, probably why it is cheap.

8/3/09 – Up with the lark and another sunny, sweltering day. I did a bit of fishing in the pond out the back, sat there relaxing and catching nought and thoroughly enjoyed it. Had a kip and then another and that put me back on my feet, or in my case, wobbly legs. Ready for the rigours of doing bugger all and oddly I don't seem to have any time to do anything else, but mostly bugger all. I haven't worked that one out yet. I think it is one of the few Vietnamese things I am getting the hang of, being busy doing nothing.

9/3/09 – Up and raring to go again, so we did, for some pho bo, beef noodle soup, it is as good as I remebered. Went to the council to get some forms and the bank to get not a lot, they were busy, so they said they'd call later with an update. They never did, but we sorted it in Long An, our next stop to get the run around. It is about 40 kilometres away, which takes a good hour on the moto. The roads are not the best. They have good stretches that lull you into a false sense of security, then they throw a pothole in the way, you can't switch off. I need to get some shades, the dust kicked up is a pain in the backside, or eyeballs. I bought a pair especially for the dust and cleverly left them in the car, in the garage, back home, where there is very little dust. The bridges along the road are a dodgy area too, they can have a nice smooth path on and coming off is an Evil Kenievel leap, perhaps that is a bit of an exaggeration and misspelling, but still dodgy. The side of the road to Long An is a damn site more smoother than the side coming back, or it certainly seemed so. I'll check it out on the next trip, because this one wasn't conclusive. We went to about 6 different places, but now we know mostly what we need. The offices that certify documents was a jobsworth place. You have to push the moto in from the road to the moto parking, you can't drive it, but some people leave it switched on while they push. I haven't worked that one out, if you do, let me know. I couldn't go in either, because I had shorts on, let me know about that one too, it isn't a temple or anything. ??????

The bloke translating some documents for us said “Come back in an hour”, so we gave him 2 and he said “Come back tomorrow”. I wasn't surprised, or upset. This is Asia. The people are usually helpful, but life doesn't run in the fast lane of London here. Because it isn't London I suppose. The office we have to deal with the most are very helpful and smiley people and they seem to have taken to Dung, as most people here do. She knows how to use the smile and polite talk and is very old, respectful, Vietnamese in her ways. I think Vietnam is slowly going down the Brit way of losing respectfullness, if that is a word, said the Grumpy Old Man. It's a shame, but inevitable with the media accessibility nowdays, he said again. It is heartwarming for a grumpy, old, man to see such respect and it is genuine.

We hit the road back and after a wash and brush up went out for lau, a do-it-yourself fish broth type of thingabeebob and a couple of beers and got stung with a bill of nearly 4 quid. OUTRAGEOUS!!.

After all the sun on the moto and 2 beers, I was drunk, well not sober, so back for an earlyish night. It's hot, hot, hot and Nu, Dung's Mam, follows me around with the electric fan, if I move rooms, she appears with the fan and plonks it near me. I do get a little spoiled here, but try to return the favour. I wash up. “BIG DEAL”. The blokes look at me with frowns and I was told last time, “men in Vietnam don't wash up”, which I think is a bit of an exaggeration. My answer was “I've been washing up in my house for 10 years”. Luan, brother and Binh, father are doing the odd wash up now too, so it is catching, perhaps not a good thing. This is not the UK.

10/3/09 – Off to the local council office for an hour to get some forms to allow me to stay at the house. I thought this was only for the hotels, but apparently not. I didn't have one the last time I stayed for a good few weeks, but better safe than sorry. If the Vietnamese constabulary get wind of some easy dollars, they will be around. Cynical??? Truthful, but not a lot of the police are and it is accepted, just like in Malaysia and Cambodia. It must be an Asian thing. I suppose it happens in the UK too, but not at the everyday Joe level.

At the government/council office where we went for the form, we had to go to a shop in town to get the form and back to the shop again when we came back with the wrong form. Vietnamese must be a complicated language, because on several occasions it has seemed difficult for them to understand each other, it could be a local version of Chinese whispers. The council tell the people and the people tell the shopkeeper and the shopkeeper gives you what they want, because when it is wrong, you get the chance to pay twice, albeit only 10p a shot. We got there in the end, but too late to head off to Long An and get there before the 11:30 to 13:30 lunch break. It usually involves a nap, hence the generous length and the hours are 7:30 to 17:30, but it can be frustrating, or was when I first left the UK, but by the time I'd done a couple of train rides in India, I'd become used to the waiting and if I do say so myself, pretty good at it.

Back to the house to miss some of the heat and it is big shout time. It seems the Vietnamese way to get a point across is the one who has the loudest voice wins and for a little woman, Dung has a big voice. It goes on for about 20 minutes and 2 minutes later everyone is friends again, so it may not be so bad a thing.